This past few weeks has been a frenzy of activity, well, at least in my mind it has been.
I made a mistake. YES, I DID. But I don’t see what that mistake should take over my whole life, my whole being. I’ve made mistakes before, no doubt about that. I’ve done things I shouldn’t have, faced consequences for those. But how come, how come this time, it has gotten to the point where I do not know what to do anymore. Where my life has just STOPPED.
I’ve spent the last 2 weeks tossing and turning in bed. I’ve finished reading 3 books in 2 weeks. I’ve lost, gained back, and am starting to lose weight. I’ve skipped breakfast for all of 3 days that I’ve had to go back to work. I cannot function properly. All because of this one stupid mistake.
Friends have tried to get me to talk about it, even talk to my parents about it. I couldn’t. I had to wait for my Mom to notice that I wasn’t eating, I was not myself. That was the only time I told her what happened. Just this morning, my Dad was driving me to work. He asked how I was, how things were at work. I told him. I tried my best not to cry. Why? Just because I felt like I was going to start bawling when I explained myself.
“It takes a strong person not to cry, a stronger person to cry, and the strongest person to say why they’re crying.”
I’ve never been much of a talker. Not when it comes to talking about feelings. I don’t talk, hardly ever…I do, however, CRY. A lot. A whole frigging lot. So let me be. The tears will come, they will go, and I still won’t talk. Just let me be. Soon enough I’ll forget about whatever this is. KARMA comes fast. I know it will.
No need for revenge. Those who hurt you will eventually screw themselves up. And if you’re lucky, God will let you watch.
I will be looking forward to that day, b*tch.